How to Teach Good Sportsmanship (Win or Lose)

2. Respect Others: This is often the most visible act of sportsmanship, and affects a variety of actors in a game:

The Opponent: Your child needs to learn that the opponent is not an enemy. They should not be taunted or trash-talked. Your child should not try to injure them during a game.

The Teammate: Your child needs to understand that teammates will perform better with positive encouragement, not criticism and insults.

The Official: You or your child may not always agree with an official’s decision, but creating an environment where they think that it is okay to constantly challenge them undermines their authority and the structure of the game.

The Coach: There is a reason why the coach is the coach. You should encourage your child to listen to their guidance and respect their decisions.

3. Respect Themselves: This is one of the hardest behaviours to teach. It involves helping your child to win and lose with grace, and to control their emotions when faced with difficult situations.

How to Teach Your Child Good Sportsmanship

Understanding what sportsmanship is is relatively straightforward. Putting it into practice is anything but. As mentioned earlier, you’re not going to be able to teach your child sportsmanship in a single lesson. It is an ongoing process that requires understanding and reinforcement.

There are a few simple things that you can do to help set your child up for being a good sport.

Do Not Tolerate Cheating

This is sportsmanship 101. If you catch your child cheating at a sport, it is tempting to pull them out of the game entirely. Whether or not you want to do that is your decision as a parent.

What is important, though, is to understand why they have cheated. To achieve this, you need to explain (calmly) to them how it made you feel when they cheated, and ask them why they did it. It may not be easy for them to explain, but understanding this ‘why’ will help you to build the foundations that will encourage your child to play the game fairly in the future.

Focus On Effort, Not Outcome

If you follow sports, you will hear top athletes talk about controlling the controllables. This means that they focus on their effort levels and performance rather than fixating on the outcome of a match.

Admittedly, this is not always easy for children; success is often tied to the outcome of a game. If, instead, you can celebrate when you see them giving their best effort, or trying their hardest, then they will start to learn that the score isn’t the only thing that matters in a match.

That’s not to say they shouldn’t celebrate a win or be disappointed if they lose. Rather, they should not see winning and losing as the only determinants of success in a match.

Teach Them to Cope Under Pressure

If you can teach your child to manage their emotions in the heat of a sporting moment, then you are teaching them a skill that they can carry into every aspect of their life.

Every child is different, which means they will be triggered by different situations. What we need to try and achieve is a playbook for when they feel themselves getting triggered. There are a few ways they can do this, and it’s worth experimenting to see what works for them:

The Reset Cue: The best athletes can quickly reset their minds. They don’t dwell on a lost point or conceded goal. Instead, they forget it almost immediately and move on to the next point or phase of the game. Teaching your child a ‘reset cue’ can help them to achieve this. It can be anything, from a simple phrase like ‘so what?’ to a physical cue like touching the ground or their head. Practice it at home to find out what works for them.

Square Breathing: This is a well-known physiological technique that is proven to help calm the nervous system. If your child is feeling anxious or angry, this breathing technique will help to relax them:

Inhale for 4 seconds.

Hold for 4 seconds.

Exhale for 4 seconds.

Hold for 4 seconds.

Try it for yourself next time you feel anxious – it really does work!

Interrupt Their Negative Spiral: During a match or training session, your child will often look to you for affirmation. Give it. And if you see them getting angry, remind them of the cues. Give them some positive affirmation. Remind them to focus on their own game. They will listen to you.

Be The Role Model

Your child is constantly watching you and learning from the way that you behave. If they see you berating yourself or a match official, they will probably do the same thing. If you tell them to crush their opponent, they will view them as the enemy rather than a competitor. If they see you taunting or mocking someone, they will assume that that is acceptable behaviour. Remember this.

As much as their coach can help to influence them, you are the center of their world. More often than not, they want to emulate you. If you want to teach them sportsmanship, be a good sport yourself.

Praise Positivity

Many children will naturally begin as ‘good’ sports. They will help and encourage teammates, be respectful to officials, and they will congratulate an opponent who has played a great shot. Celebrate that. There is no weakness in acknowledging when your competitor has done something well. Likewise, helping their teammate helps the team.

Any time you see your child displaying acts of good sportsmanship, applaud them for it. This reinforces how proud you are of them for the way that they are behaving, and means that they are more likely to behave that way again in the future.